;;just go die}

[Ємßєг§]

Intoxicated eyes,
no longer live that life.
You should have learned by now,
I'll burn this whole world down...

I think I've gotten over the fact that life isn't fair. It never was, it never will be. Quite a long time has passed sine I've even wished for some justice. If I know I can't have something, why would I torture myself longing for it? There's not point in tormenting a mind already drowning in bitter agony. It's like beating a dead horse. You're not going to teach it anything after it's gone. There's nothing you can do about it.

The asphalt was hard on my pads. I'd been so used to the sinking sand by then, that I'd forgotten what I truly was: a street dog. Sirens blared in the distance, and the gloomy street lights seemed to flicker on and off as I proceeded down the road. It reminded me of hope, how it went on and off. The streetlight burnt out. If that wasn't some creepy voodoo sign, I don't know what it was.

Late night people didn't seem to notice me, and I didn't notice them. There were so many, that all of them began to look exactly the same; flat faced, pale, hairless, and placid. If they all dropped dead right then, I don't think I would have noticed. Maybe I could just curl up inside a tiny shell and die there. I don't think I would mind that either.

I kept telling myself to get over it; I really did. Zephyr was gone. Kayne took her...away from me. That bastard, him. I shouldn't have let him get away from it. I should have fought him; left him a scar to remember me by. Right down his face. Sweet vengeance would have been good. I began wishing again. I wished I could go back in time, change some things around. Make things different.

Darting down the sidewalk, I turned near an alleyway, ducking for cover. If I could be alone, if I could think, maybe I could be my good old self. The Serendipity I used to be. Proud, arrogant, uncaring. I didn't care if maybe that wasn't the path to take, but change was too much at the time. Too terrible to suffice through. If everything could go back to normal, I would be happy. Before Zephyr, before Kayne. I would die for it.

If you can taste your wishes on the tip of your tongue, I'm sure I'd be feeling it. Bittersweet. Wonderful, but out of grasp. Maybe I like wishing. Or maybe I'd rather just die.

I need some peace of mind,
no fear of what's behind.
You think you've won this fight,
you've only lost your mind...

[(--Z E P H Y r!]

. b u l l e t p r o o f !!

Uh oh, overflow, population,
common group, but it'll do.
Save yourself, serve yourself.
World serves its own needs, listen to your heart bleed.
Tell me with the rapture and the reverent in the right - right.
You vitriolic, patriotic, slam, fight, bright light, feeling pretty psyched.

COCKY.

There are those moments, when you learn something or figure something out, and you feel like the highest mother fucker in the whole damned world. You feel like you rule the whole world, and everyone will bow down to you, cause you just learned something, or found something. Love? Maybe. Maybe, you just had an awesome meal, and you have that Oh flippin yeah feeling cause your tummies full of yumm-o, and your bodies got enough energy to run fifteen bajillion miles.

Thats how I felt at that moment, but I really didn't know why the hell I felt like god. I just felt like the almighty ruler. Er... Rullar. Oh yeah. I trotted down the street, head held high, smirking, eyes full of adventure and Cant touch this bitch. It was just one of those moments for me. I smiled more, baring sharp, gleaming canines. Kinda wanted a fight.

I smelled something that caught my attention, and I stopped, looking across the street into an alley. The smell came from a large male dog, a street dog. Oh and he smelled like anger, sorrow, and broken love. I let out a strong, forceful bark. Hey! I laughed, throwing my head back and letting out a strong dog like howl. This was a fight I would enjoy, if we did fight. I could take on three thousand dobermans, and not recieve a scratch. I was bullet-proof.

It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.

[Ємßєг§]

Looking at my own reflection
When suddenly it changes,
Violently it changes
Oh no, There is no turning back now
You've woken up the demon in me

When something heartbreaking occurs in your life, afterward, a reasonable response could be, Nothing could possibly be worse that that. And, at the time, that was probably true. You've just experienced the most terrible occurrence in your life, and in your mind it's simply not possible to comprehend that something even more terrible might follow. Perhaps this is something how I felt when I turned around and saw him.

If I really think about it, the first thing that came to mind was, Holy shit! It's Kayne! But after a few seconds, I think I got the idea that this was indeed another dog, one whose guts I did not loathe. Not yet. His appearance was trifling, for he had the same body structure and coloring of Kayne, yet his eyes were an icy blue, unlike my enemy's mismatched orbs. And too, I could tell that this dog was a purebred; not a lowly mutt.

But even next to that, I could tell he was like me. The past me. The arrogant, selfish, narcissist like me. He looked like he was on top of the world. On top of me. And I didn't like that very much at all. No one had power over me. They couldn't think that, they couldn't attempt that. My tail bristled up immediately, and I self-consciously began to swish it back and forth upon making eye-contact with him.

I had been standing back in the shadows of the alley, and only half of my body was visible in the din, for the building to my right shielded me from the flickering street lights; my dying hope. Faintly listening to the husky shout out a greeting at me, I inhaled slowly, cursing myself. I had not fight with this dog. He was a purebred, and even though he resembled all that I loathed, he had not a clue of my predicament. I had no need to enlighten him either.

Forcefully, I dipped by head, a wave of disgust at myself sweeping through me. Greetings. A deep rumble seeped into my voice. I probably sounded like a dying animal, but I really didn't care. If this dog decided to attack me, I was pretty much screwed, cause the damned alley was a dead-end. Smart, Serendipity, I thought angrily. I gave myself a moment to let my heart-beat fade.

I can see inside you, the sickness is rising
Don't try to deny what you feel
Will you give in to me?
It seems that all that was good has died
And is decaying in me

[(--Z E P H Y r!]

. d a r k n e s s !!

Uh oh, overflow, population,
common group, but it'll do.
Save yourself, serve yourself.
World serves its own needs, listen to your heart bleed.
Tell me with the rapture and the reverent in the right - right.
You vitriolic, patriotic, slam, fight, bright light, feeling pretty psyched.

Sadness.

Some people, you can just read their thoughts without having that natural ability. Like, their face is showing what their feeling, almost as if their thoughts are tattooed onto their skull for the world to see. He was one of them, his sorrows and anger written across his face, just an open book for me to read.

I stared at him for a second, the smile washing from my face. I gulped, immediatly wishing to take back my pride. I took a step off of the sidewalk, my long legs moving soundlessly across the street towards him. What happened? I said, my english accent strongly swirling in the night air. I raised my head alittle, looking at him curiously as my head dropped to the ground, stating I was no harm. I dont want to fight, maybe befriend?

I stopped just at the mouth of the alley, my ears stiffly listening for a reply. I glanced from left to right, seeing we were alone. I took in a breath, then looked into the males eyes, seeing he was about the size I was, which gave an equal advantage if we were to charge.

It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.

[Ємßєг§]

Stapled shut, inside an outside world and I'm
Sealed in tight, bizarre but right at home
Claustrophobic, closing in and I'm
Catastrophic, not again

I wasn't sure why I still thought about her. About Zephyr. Hadn't she betrayed me? Hadn't she crushed my heart? Hadn't she chose a mutt over the likes of me? And yet I could not forget about her. I could not bring myself to wipe the slate clean, or cast my memories into the depths. She would always be there, no matter what I did, not matter what I thought about, no matter what my future turned out to be. She was there, like a forsaken demon, a cloud blocking out my sun.

And then, through all my stress, all of my horror, was the white Siberian husky; the one resembling Kayne. Why was he there? Why was he asking me about the things I should try to be concealing? Forgetting? Why was I not snapping at him? Telling him to leave me alone? Because I'd had enough. With everything. With my life, with myself. I didn't care. Everyone was traitorous, and it didn't matter who I picked my fights with, and who I didn't.

His face showed signs of sorrow. Sorrow for me. I craved his sorrow. I wanted it. I wanted him to feel for me. For everyone to feel for me. I deserved to be selfish. At least for now. Did I not deserve something after receiving such a terrible blow of pain? Did not my creator feel pity for my aching heart? I pitied myself. I pitied my situation. I cursed Kayne. I cursed what he had; what I desired. If I could, I would crush him. Crush him beneath my paws and leave him dead in the dust. He deserved that.

Looking up at the husky, I simply shook me head. And then, it was too much. I just collapsed; right on the ground, head it paws, weeping on the inside. With sad eyes, I replied, Everything. Everything and Nothing has happened to me, I told him. Maybe it didn't make sense to him, but it did to me. Everything had happened to me, in my world. But when everyone else looked at my situation, it was nothing. No one had empathy for anyone anymore. But it didn't matter. Nothing mattered.

As I sat there on the ground, in front of the strange dog I barely knew, I still wanted to forget Zephyr. Forget her face, her voice. Anything. But I couldn't. I would never forget.

I am a world before I am a man
I was a creature before I could stand
I will remember before I forget
Before I forget that!

[(--Z E P H Y r!]

. t e a r s !!

Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking
When you fall everyone stands
Another day and you've had your fill of sinking
With the life held in your
Hands are shaking cold
These hands are meant to hold

HEARTACHE.

I knew what it felt like. I knew what he ment. He lost something precious, to something wretched. Cancer. I hated it so much now, even if I trully didnt know what it was. It took my mistress, my love, my human. It took her away from me, and because of it, I became one of the damned. He was damned. We were damned.

Why the hell not, lets be damned together! I smiled alittle, walking into the alley and laying down before him. I sighed, looking up into the night sky, seeing the blackness of it, and the twinkling stars randomly placed with large spaces between them. I closed my eyes, taking in a breath and then looked back at him. I know. I've lost also. I said, laying my head on my paws, trying to remember what it was like being next to her on the bed, her hand resting on my back while she read. I tried to remember what it felt like, to have her next to me as we strolled down the street, she refused to leash me. I felt my heart sink, and my body was empty suddenly, I was air. I was nothing without her. My beautiful human. And the worst was, she was humans, I despised humans, but oh she changed my thoughts when I thought of her.

I sighed again, nodding as best I could with my head on the ground. Yes, losing someone hurts greatly, especially when it is to something disgusting.

When everything is wrong, we move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
When everything is wrong, we move along
Along, along, along

[Ємßєг§]

There will come a time
They will pull you out,
It's too late to change your mind
Off the record, I've been saying,
Cut the cord that's hanging you
On the record, information
Pretty soon they're selling you

Some dogs are lucky. When they're young, their lives are perfect, carefree. They don't think about anything, how they say certain things, what they do. Pups could trot up to just about anyone and simply ask, Will you be my friend? It's so simple for them, it's crazy. And in the end, those two dogs could be best buddies, trusted friends, for their entire lives. It only gets harder as you grow.

But I saw the brute lie down beside me, talking to me, telling me he understood. Before Zephyr, I may have scoffed at him. What did he know? But I believed him. Something about his face, perhaps. Even looking at it in the half-light, I could tell. It was pained. Not the same kind of pain that I was feeling, but he too had suffered through some predicament.

Sighing heavily, I shook my head once more. That was all I could do, for I could not force my cracked voice to speak. It was sad. Sad to be there, sad to live through it, sad to think about it. Everything was sad. I wanted everyone else to feel how I felt, for everyone to suffer like me. And Kayne...Kayne could suffer three times as hard. My wish was for him to die. To crumble. And then, I would be happy.

Serendipity. I murmured quietly, not looking at the husky. I was Serendipity. Yes. Yes! That's who I was, Serendipity! I knew who Serendipity was, how he acted! Why was I letting myself drown in despair? I did not deserve it, I did not deserve to rot in my own cold grave! I was not wasting my life away thinking about Zephyr, letting my hope flicker on and off like the streetlight. I was going to do something, not waste away. I would get my revenge on Kayne, I would get on with my life.

I stood. I lost my love to a god damned mutt. I swallowed the cracked voice that had been living within my throat. But I'm not going to lose my life to it. I'm moving on. I really didn't think the husky cared that much, if not at all, but it felt great to say it. Just say it out loud, and strong. I am still here. I am Serendipity. I am worth something. I will avenge my loss.

Kayne will die.

Are you with me?
Nothing to trust in
You have the answers?
What are the questions?
Are you with me?
Are you with me now?

[(--Z E P H Y r!]

. a b i d d o n !!

thought that the world had lost its sway
(its so hard sometimes)
then i fell in love with you
(then came you)
and you took that away

HEARTACHE.

Such things were as revenge. Though, you never met someone on a day to day basis that was completely bent on it. Love was one thing that tempted someone to even kill the whole world if it came to it. A... mutt? Ah, sir, Id love to help. I smirked, feeling the words sting my tongue. There we go, my evil side was returning. I despise mutts with a great passion. I laughed, standing to follow him.

I shook her off, chasing after the male. Serendipity, hmm. A nice name. I had heard him murmur his name, and it seemed as if he hadnt even remembered it correctly. I immediatly went to his side, standing equal to him, shoulder to shoulder. I am Abiddon. I replied to him, saying my name with a thicker English accent then I had been using. I did have an accent, but it was faded, and came only at certain times.

I glanced at Serendipity, and let out a sigh, feeling sympathetic for the poor brute. If you dont mind, tell me about her. She seems to be something worth dwelling over, enough to kill a brute for. I moved swiftly, trying to keep up with his ancy pace. She must have been beautiful. Poodle? Hound? Damn, hound's are heartbreakers. I chuckled alittle, trying to lighten the mood.

so what if I'm on this phone
a hundred miles from home
i take the words you gave
and send them back to you

[Ємßєг§]

My words they don't come out right
But I'll try to say I'm happy for you
I think I'm going to take that drive
I want to give you something
I've been wanting to give to you for years
My heart

Every day, there always has to be something to make you want to wake up in the morning, something that will push you through each minute. Without anything worth living for, how would anyone bother to face another day? Would they not merely stay in their homes, rotting away? But if that were true, why would I have bothered to awaken on this very morn? Perhaps I sensed something would happen; something wonderful.

Maybe I was right, too. Abiddon, he was called. Was this not the first interaction I had with another canine in a good while? Of course, one with a good outcome, I should say. Yet, that was what I had thought right after I had met Zephyr. Anything could have gone wrong, I suppose. But I didn't want to bring myself down anymore after I was making the first steps toward recovery. To forgetting. Too bad Abiddon kept asking about her.

Well... I began until I realized he had not finished speaking. Poodle...Hound...? That one made me cringe. Zephyr, my beautiful Zephyr...a hound. I couldn't even think of such a thing. Of course she ain't a goddamn hound! I snapped bitterly, jaws clenched tightly until I could taste the blood of my lip on my tongue. Quickly, catching a hold of myself before a lost my temper, I took a sharp intake of breath before beginning again.

Nodding curtly, muttering a quiet, Apologies, under my breath, I turned to look at the husky I had become acquainted with. Collie. I admitted ruefully. She was a collie... With a sight I tried to picture Zephyr in my mind, perfect, smiling like I had never seen a dog smile. If only I could see her again, tell her that I loved her. Yet if I did, I would surely be killed by Kayne. Unless I killed him first, that was.

She had a gentleness to her, something I can't explain, and calm, quiet eyes. I described her thoughtfully, not even fully aware I was saying it. She was terribly easy to get along with, and she could be bold when she wanted to. A fun sense of humor as well. Something in my mind clicked and I fell silent. I could only see Zephyr in my mind. Poor, dear, Zephyr. And then, I saw the mutt.

Not in real life, obviously, in my mind. The exact position in which I last glimpsed him. If only I could sink my claws into his fur, taste his blood...The mutt...looked like you. I told Abiddon sullenly. Only...muttier. With a snort of contempt I looked at my companion in sorrow. I felt bad for the poor chap, having to put up with my torn apart self. Damn, life sucked.

My heart, my pain won't cover up
You left me...
My heart won't take this cover up
You left me...